NATO is coming!

BREAKING: NATO Air Forces Coming to United States' Aid in Estonia

May 21, 2017

By Raven Apigo

In the spirit of NATO, France, Germany, and Great Britain have mobilized their respective Air Forces to aid the United States.

French President, Emmanuel Macron, gave the following statement on the matter:

"As both an ally of the United States and member of NATO, we will not ignore the evidence of corruption in Narva. We will not stand down. We must stand together and protect democracy."

Among the forces are the Eurofigher Typhoon and Eurocopter Tiger, sent by British, German and French air forces in order to combat Russia's no-fly zone. ▪

Commander Claims All Citizens Are Welcome

Commander of Estonian Defense Forces Claims to Have Never Targeted Ethnic Russians

Responding to recent allegations that the Estonian Defense Forces set up concentration camps in Johvi, the Commander of Estonian Defense Forces states that this claim is false.

Regarding the matter, the Commander of Estonian Defense Forces says," I have never targeted Ethnic Russians that reside in Estonia or abroad. All citizens and other residences are welcome in Russia. My primary task has always been the defense of Estonia and it people. The Estonian Defense Forces have not set up concentration camps in Jovi, they are merely places of refuge for the innocent civilians of Narva that needed to be relocated due to the violence caused by the Russian Separatists. We will increase provisions for the refugees as needed to better protect them. I do not condone the targeting of refugees, especially with poisoning. In no way does the poisoning of civilians serve my interests in preserving the sovereignty of Estonia."

Petrov's Troops in Johvi

Albert Petrov's Troops Liberated Concentration Camps

BREAKING: Albert Petrov issued 4000 troops to Johvi. Petrov's troops liberated the concentration camps but now they are in direct conflict with the 2000 NATO troops stationed in Johvi. There have been reports of gunfire and explosions.

Press Release: Letter to Russian PM from Valentina Matviyenko

Dear Russian Prime Minister,

I call on you in a time of need. I fear for my life and livelihood. I have heard rumors that the deceased Chief of the Armed Forces Valery Gerasimov was possibly assassinated by someone in his own cabinet. Along with this and the recent death of Hillary Clinton, I wonder if certain individuals are being targeted.

All I know is I wish I can once again be embraced in your strong arms. I fondly reflect on that rainy evening when you, me, Hillary and Bill Clinton were are all in the same room, embarking on a sensual adventure none of us would forget. We were like animals that night, truly in our primal states in both the behaviors we engaged in and the leopard leotards we wore. I wish to we could make that happen again.

Oh minister, hold me now.

Lyublyu,
Your Rawr-entina

Petrov to Run for President

Albert Petrov Announces Candidacy for President of Estonia

Albert Petrov, the Mayor of Narva, has recently announced that he will be running for the position of President of Estonia.

Regarding his candidacy, Petrov released this statement:

"With the people of Estonia in my heart, I am proud to announce my candidacy for the Estonian presidency. It's time for new leadership in the country that I love!

I have several platform points for an Estonia that is not only more prosperous, more generous, and a true world leader, but also an Estonia that serves all Estonians. I'm calling for an immediate election as a referendum of the current president.

As my first act as a candidate, I am deploying members of my militia to save the thousands of Estonians currently being held in illegitimate and unjust camps. It's time to free our people from the camps that have unjustly brought suffering to so many of my countrymen.

I am here for Estonia. I am here for you.

Albert Petrov"

Petrov Deploys 4,000

Petrov Deploys 4,000 Armed Russian Separatists

May 21, 2017

By Raven Apigo

Albert Petrov has deployed 4,000 armed Russian separatists to the camps currently holding Narva refugees.  After taking over camps, Russian separatists are to distribute bottled water supplies. They also passed out fliers from Albert Petrov presidential campaign, encouraging them to join Petrov’s cause.

The UN has raised concern over Petrov’s actions, warning of the dangers of this new and largely unknown leader. ▪

Estonian Government Releases Comment on Refugee Deaths

Estonian Government Horrified by Death of Refugees

Deeply upset by the deaths of some civilian refugees, caused by unsafe drinking water, the government of Estonia released a statement.

Regarding the matter, the Estonian Government states," The government of Estonia is horrified by the tragic deaths of civilian refugees. We emphasize that we are doing all we can to ensure the refugees have safe and stable living conditions. We are additionally working to address the deadly crisis of arsenic poisoning, and encourage all refugees to drink bottled water being delivered by EU humanitarian support until Estonian workers are able to ensure water safety and security. The government of Estonia is appalled by baseless accusations of “concentration camps”, which are taking advantage of a tragedy to serve political propaganda means. We are not responsible for the tragic deaths of refugees, though we will find those who are and bring them to justice. The government of Estonia will not rest until our civilians are safe."